dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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