Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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