I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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