Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
