I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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