dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
