I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
do herpes really smell.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
