I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
