Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
