Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
