i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
