why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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