even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
