We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
