last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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