New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
