im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
