So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
