Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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