He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
