I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
