You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize