He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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