I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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