I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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