Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
