I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
