i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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