Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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