My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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