do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You made out with two different species that night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
