Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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