PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
