As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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