it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
