David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
