dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
