So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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