I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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