Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
