before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
