i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
