that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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