What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
