Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
