office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
