If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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