be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she looked like the before picture.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
