so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
