his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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