He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
