Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
