i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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