My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
