i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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