Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
