haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
