all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
