She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
