I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
50% drunk capacity currently
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
