I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
