nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
