dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
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Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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