We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
