I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
