Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
