In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
