I smell stomach acid.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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