Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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