TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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