just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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