so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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